Vanilla feelings.

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Image via Alkila Love

What does it feel like to:

a) Move to New York?

b) Graduate?

c) Wake up in the morning of your flight to a trip of a lifetime?

d) Be your birthday, Christmas or even a Friday?

It could feel a million things, and i’d love to make a list. But from those experiencing a) through d), at the moment, I’m noticing a super prevalent notion that: ‘it’ doesn’t feel like ‘it’.

Whatever ‘it’ is – it always seems to feel not like it should.

But I wonder why we’re thinking so critically – I mean, no one  has ever been here before.

In every moment, isn’t it cool to think that the experience is unwritten? You literally, have never been there before, at that age, with that mindset, in this place, with that plan, beside (or without) some person?

While everybody is busy chasing their dreams by living in New York, Graduating double-degrees, trekking trough Norway, landing boss jobs, and kicking absolute goals on (and off) field – there’s a strange commonality, a kind-of brotherhood semblance between us all:

Nothing feels like ‘it’.

Even up until boarding my flight, I didn’t feel like I was going away to travel the latest beaut locations on my bucket list and live in one of my favourite spots on earth.  Even my friends, who are living in NYC still can’t believe they’ve moved a million miles away.

But I wonder about how we have this delirious craving for trying to make sense of everything, reaching to feel something familiar when the very essence of it all, is the total opposite – unfamiliar?

The fact is, everything is shiny brand new, and there’s no way in hell to know what it feels like.

Every encroaching minute is new territory, uncharted waters, and I for one, definitely don’t have a map (or data on my international sim card in fact, to download one).

Bottom line: this is a rookie life.

So get lost. No, better than that, stay lost and stop trying to know or feel like you should about ‘it’. The feeling doesn’t exist yet, it’s vanilla, but it’s waiting for you to make, break, look it square in the eye, grab it with both hands and top it with strawberries, oreos, chia seeds, donuts, cronuts, something matcha flavoured and gummy bears.

Remember: Vanilla is always just the beginning.

sb.

The Barbie Belief System.

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It’s easy to be a Barbie girl in a Barbie world, if you’re not in a Barbie world though – which many of us mere humans are certainly not (Jen Hawkins my friend, you are an exception) – its pretty damn hard to be a Barbie girl.

My guess is that the same law of physics applies to the whole “happiness” thing. It’s easy to be happy if you live in a happy world complete with loving parents, cool siblings, a lot of shifts at a job you love, a cool car, an awesome place to live, crazy fun friends and a constant tan. I’m basically referring to the the Pounder Meal with chicken sauce on the side to dip your chippies in; the whole enchilada; or as my beloved year 12 Maths teacher would say, ‘the whole sha-bang’.

What I mean, is that, it’s easy to be happy when everything is going super well, our beliefs that “everything happens for a reason”, that “every failure is a lesson is disguise”, that “(insert whatever inspiring quote turns you on)” seem so solid.

For sure, why wouldn’t we believe that we were MEANT to land that internship, MEANT to make that new friend, MEANT to get a day off on the hottest weekday? Seems logical to me!

But how about when we crash a car, have a fight with a younger sister (who constantly wears your clothes without asking…I wouldn’t name names), fail that subject, or lose the job you love. Surely all that was 100%, NOT MEANT to happen. Surely.

How much would you want to throw eggs on the head of anyone who attempted to tell you that “crashing your car is certainly for the best”. Like, I think I would actually cut you.

No way am I “happy”, and I DO NOT believe that this was for the purpose of some profound “life lesson”.

There is no way.

José.

(This was getting too serious, so thought I’d invite my Mexican friend to join the post :D).

But seriously. When a winning streak collapses, what do you believe then? Do you still believe that you live a wonderful life? That Santa is still real and that the monsters won’t find you if you hide under the covers for long enough?.

(On this note, can I just say, WHAT is Rihanna’s deal with being friends with the monster that’s under her bed? She is one crazy gal!)

It’s hard. But in the midst of the most challenging, heart-breaking, spine-chilling and uncertain times, I think the only thing we can believe, is that life will go on.

Tomorrow the sun will rise, 9am will become 10am, we will get hungry, get thirsty, hear a song, see the stars, hug, talk, and soon enough, smile, laugh and believe in all those beautiful things again.

As we grow and see this cycle re-emerge with the same certainty as the seasons that pass, a new belief is borne, one which takes precedence over all others. And it is this: that something good will actually, eventually, one day emerge.

Not before bedtime, or before the weekend. Maybe not even before your 21st, Christmas, or before you graduate. But one day.

One day you will look back and smile at what you thought was the end of your world. Smile at your naïveté in allowing you to lose that ‘spark’, along with the happiness you vowed to always believe in.

We soon can appreciate that yep, they were right, it was for your own good. It was just, life.

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I would love to know which beliefs keep you sane in the midst of difficult times, please feel free to contact me and and share your recipe for lemonade when life gives you lemons!