A musing on pumping brakes, gas and most importantly – pumping up the jam. Even as a kid, I either demanded the center of attention and refused to talk if anyone so much as looked at my birthday candle. Or … Continue reading
A Pump For All Seasons
Tag Archives: life
Bansky-inspired Siesta Time.
Image via Mikutas.
Hi stranger, it’s been a while.
Okay, that’s the understatement of the century. It’s been a long while. Arguably too long since I put pen to paper, thought to word and word to world.
But the good man Banksy consumed, captivated and inspired me once again with a little quote. It was likely directed at someone brilliant, some time ago, somewhere cool, and in it, he said:
‘When you get tired learn to rest, not to quit’.
And god, have I been resting.
I haven’t stopped thinking, or pondering or lamenting on life for one second, I’ve just been too busy looking outside bus windows in admiration of majestic landscapes, and introducing myself with the same “it’s Fiona with an S-H’, in between mouthfuls of Europe’s delicacies, in the best cities of the world. The summer has been an adventure, but it hasn’t given me a chance to drown in a pool of contemplation and come out the other side with a written lil-somethin’ to share.
Sadly, writing hasn’t been a priority, until last night, it was. And the idea came to me from the most unlikely, yet oh-so Spanish source…
La siesta.
I can’t confirm whether it’s me spiraling back into the #studentlyf where nanna naps are a daily necessity, or if I’m truly turning japanese spanish as my intention for exchange would have it – but siestas are becoming a regular thing for me.
Broken down: roughly around the same time everyday, I take myself to my room, close the door, put on a slow playlist and close my eyes – but not to sleep.
In these moments I’m not particularly thinking of anything, but everything all at once.
I’m imagining scenarios, watching plots of reality unfold, rewriting scenes then jumping to another, to meet and play with something else. I’m thinking about goals and aspirations and fears and uncertainties. I wonder why I didn’t buy more goats cheese on my way home and how much water I keep forgetting to drink. I reminisce about the people I met 8 countries ago, and keep getting stuck on that ‘Closer’ song I cant get out of my head (baby pull me closer, blah blah blah something Rover). I also think of what to eat next, what to do tomorrow, tonight and how cold it really gets in Pamplona. Did Hemingway mention it at all?….
A million and five things race through my head, most often to the sound of an acoustic cover, and before I know it, I’m pretty convinced I’ve solved most of the world’s problems.
I may even drift off for a miniscule nap somewhere amongst the madness.
But what happens, after a week (okay three weeks) of this indulgent behavior, I’ve become dependent on my daily siesta. I’m hungry for silence, thirsty for a clear my mind, excited to think, deeply.
Like untangling a heap of necklaces, finally cleaning the water bottles out of your car, or managing to correctly cook rice on a stove without ruining the pot – a mental de-clutter is almost euphoric, and probably a pretty vital skill.
Like the good spring clean mum insists on doing every (damn) time a visitor comes, I’m convinced our minds need the same TLC.
So stop, seriously even if it’s just for 5 minutes* and let your mind run it’s course, empty itself.
My gal Sylvia Plath coined herself a ‘victim of introspection’, but contemplation doesn’t need to be that dark. Think deep, solve the world and your own mysteries. I don’t believe time is wasted by ruminating about something or nothing at all.
sb.
NOTES:
*Of course 10 minutes of down time is better than 5, and 15 minutes even more so, then you can look into mediation and wow, that’s a whole other ball-park. The Headspace App is a good place to start.
Vanilla feelings.
Image via Alkila Love
What does it feel like to:
a) Move to New York?
b) Graduate?
c) Wake up in the morning of your flight to a trip of a lifetime?
d) Be your birthday, Christmas or even a Friday?
It could feel a million things, and i’d love to make a list. But from those experiencing a) through d), at the moment, I’m noticing a super prevalent notion that: ‘it’ doesn’t feel like ‘it’.
Whatever ‘it’ is – it always seems to feel not like it should.
But I wonder why we’re thinking so critically – I mean, no one has ever been here before.
In every moment, isn’t it cool to think that the experience is unwritten? You literally, have never been there before, at that age, with that mindset, in this place, with that plan, beside (or without) some person?
While everybody is busy chasing their dreams by living in New York, Graduating double-degrees, trekking trough Norway, landing boss jobs, and kicking absolute goals on (and off) field – there’s a strange commonality, a kind-of brotherhood semblance between us all:
Nothing feels like ‘it’.
Even up until boarding my flight, I didn’t feel like I was going away to travel the latest beaut locations on my bucket list and live in one of my favourite spots on earth. Even my friends, who are living in NYC still can’t believe they’ve moved a million miles away.
But I wonder about how we have this delirious craving for trying to make sense of everything, reaching to feel something familiar when the very essence of it all, is the total opposite – unfamiliar?
The fact is, everything is shiny brand new, and there’s no way in hell to know what it feels like.
Every encroaching minute is new territory, uncharted waters, and I for one, definitely don’t have a map (or data on my international sim card in fact, to download one).
Bottom line: this is a rookie life.
So get lost. No, better than that, stay lost and stop trying to know or feel like you should about ‘it’. The feeling doesn’t exist yet, it’s vanilla, but it’s waiting for you to make, break, look it square in the eye, grab it with both hands and top it with strawberries, oreos, chia seeds, donuts, cronuts, something matcha flavoured and gummy bears.
Remember: Vanilla is always just the beginning.
sb.
Thinking in Yesterday’s.
Image via Hair Silver
Amongst a new found adoration for The Weeknd’s album, and a (definitely not new) love for the actual weekend, there’s a new tune on repeat in my little head at the moment.
It goes something like this: min. effort, max. effect.
I’m convinced there’s a sort of profound escrow, like an upside down u-shape of effort vs output. We think that more time, more reflection, more effort and energy will result in something better, bigger, grander – something to be ‘more prouder’ of. (That is terrible English, and I’m not sure prouder is even a word, but you get me.)
It’s a joke, because this incessant perjury of ‘perfectionism’ is really quite paralysing.
How many things are put off, delayed, revisited, re-discussed, redone or still left untouched because it’s still not 4000% perfect?
While I always thought a messy bun looked better than a structured ballerina one anyway, I’m learning real quick, that done, is more often than not, better than perfect.
I’m also learning with this finite schedule, that shit needs to get done. Yesterday.
Today my food for thought is this delicious nugget: don’t let perfection get in the way of progress.
We’re done now.
Imperfect, but done.
ily.
SB.
A Million Bad Habits to Break.
Image via French Voguettes
Jay walk, but look before you do it.
Risk it for the biscuit.
Go crazy, wild out, werk it.
Ugh.
I sometimes wonder when the consequences of moving fast will catch up, when my flinging hands will reach and smash the chandelier, when the bell will finally call the end to recess or when something finally, has to give.
Because living on the edge implies there’s an edge, and a deep, deep exponential drop down – to where though, it seems no one really knows. Or is there no such thing as an edge, does the valley keep on keeping on, and if so where does it lead?
Everything ends – except circles, they go right back to the start. Maybe that’s what this whole life thing is.
Is this actually an elusive, spherical world type of set up? Will we just keep exploring, pushing the boundaries and shuffling ever closer to a peripheral cliff edge that doesn’t really exist?
If so, when do you realise the glistening flicker beat is just a mirage that sparkles only because you’re looking in it’s direction? Is jumping over the fence worth it, only to find out the grass actually isn’t as green as it looked from the sideline?
For me, I think it’s time to re-read the Alchemist. Because I’m feeling like Lorde, I’ve got a million bad habits to break, not sleeping is one.
Raise a glass, because I’m not done saying it.
But I love it.
SB x
Unplanning the plan.
Image via Pinterest.
I have a plan.
Not that I’ve put a deadline on things, but yeah look, if I haven’t gradated by 2017, someone intervene. And if I haven’t been to Scandinavia before I’m 25, somebody needs to steal me away. I have plans, or maybe they are goals I’m not sure – but I am sure that I want them to happen, and I have a rough outline of a sketched timeline in my head of where everything fits. It’s perfect and I’d show it to you, but it’s in my head.
Maybe it’s another social norm I’m trying to comply by – I think I need to have a plan because that’s what you’re supposed to do, right? Everybody has plans, and it’s duly noted (especially by the Personal Trainer fraternity, you know who you are) ‘if you fail to plan, you plan to fail’. I’ve taken it for this long, but I’m turning the tables – just a little bit anyway. Ready to hear me out?
What about the plans I didn’t know I wanted to plan?
There’s no denying that one of the most cheekiest aspects of life is the tendency for things to just, literally fall into one’s lap. A chance meeting of someone who shares your mutual love for Matcha leading to great chats and endless, future Matcha dates. This person soon becomes a close friend who inspires you to take up Bikram – you didn’t plan for this. What about a sudden realization that studying abroad is an option? In Sweden. You planned on finishing your degree in a flat three years, but you didn’t plan to crave travel, and you weren’t even aware that exchange was even a thing. Good luck fitting that into your concrete, life schedule.
So in that moment, when outside forces start to poke fun at our plans, do we turn a blind eye to everything we didn’t know we didn’t know about (read it again, it makes sense), simply because it wasn’t featured in the original blueprint? I hope not.
In some respects, I feel like a ‘go with the flow’ mindset is a much more fruitful approach to life opposed to the schoolteacher curriculum, ‘planning’ method. Can we live a little?
Be spontaneous, cheeky, playful and willing to let go of the plan.
Someone great once told me ‘If someone asks you to jump in the car, don’t ask where its going, just jump in’. Now obviously, don’t jump in the car if it’s a white ute and the bearded driver is offering lollies to succumb you to join the ride – in that case call 000.
Be aware, but also be aware that there are possibilities you couldn’t even imagine.
Now believe me, I’m no Avril Lavigne, f*$% the system kind of gal, I’m all for playing the game, but I know that the trick is to know the rules so you can break them effectively. It’s a Dalai Lama tactic (no kidding, look it up), so is completely justified, moral and somewhat enlightened – try it sometime.
Because as Harriet Wakelam, a superstar #girlboss I met recently perfectly explained, ‘if you’d asked me five years ago, if I’d be here today, I’d say no’.
We can never totally predict what is going to happen, how it’s going to evolve or even if we will still care about the things we do now, in the future. Trying to figure out the world and its crazy ways is impossible, so why try. Choose your battles.
Just embrace the unpredictability like a Melbourne day. Pack a raincoat, some sunnies and your bathers. You’ll either be jumping in puddles or splashing in a pool – either way, its going to be a good time.
Unplan the plan. The end.
Love, S.
P.S Inspiration for this piece came at 7.45am when I was offered a dream internship at one of my favourite brands. I’m trying really hard to take my own advice, deny my previous ‘plans’ for where I thought I was going, and start chasing something I didn’t think of yet. Writing is my way of coping with WHAT TO DO! #halp
Step Back: An Ode to the Small Things.
Image via Miss Moss
Now I don’t usually listen to morning radio. Firstly because I refuse to deal with the reality of the current traffic status, and secondly, as much as I love Taylor Swift, she’s definitely going “out of style” at the rate of three songs per half hour.
But one specific, chilly morning the good old talk show hosts on the FM spectrum taught me something that changed my world with one question: they asked the entire, invisible cohort of listeners what was their ‘NOW’.
Like what was happening right now – urging people to share their current journey, goal, project, opening, closing, launch or completion of something…anything.
It was an enlightened morning commute because it really got me thinking how totally stuck in our mini worlds we can be, and how neglectful we are, of the cheeky achievements we make on a daily basis.
This ‘small thing’ goodness is a theme I’ve been toying with on Incogo.com (Check out my journeys here!) and ties in pretty perfectly with the whole foundational perspective of the positive, mindset fraternity: be present.
Sure, recognise you’re playing a big game with big boys, but don’t forget to actually stop and give yourself a gold star for the small goals reached.
Realistically, these things you pie off as unimportant could be major achievements in the eyes of someone else, and you’re doing yourself a disservice by regarding it as anything less. ‘Treat yo-self’.
Believe me I’m guilty of disregard constantly. It’s only when I’m chatting to a long lost friend about recent movements that I actually reflect on the last week in my diary and head, and realize that hey, finishing that essay was the best feeling ever, perfecting quinoa was a huge deal and I didn’t go on Facebook for a whole two hours straight yesterday! These are just basic examples, but going a little deeper, there is so much opportunity for us to turn up the pride.
Think of planning events, working in a team, writing your first blog post, helping someone spell ‘professional’ (seriously, is it one or two ‘f’s?), winning a competition, eating clean for the whole week, getting up earlier, having one less coffee a day, not swearing as much, remembering to feed the dog, telling Mum you appreciate the Roast she made last night or making someone laugh.
It’s all so damn good! Can you remember that please?
These are the little things, but they are all we’ve got. Let’s love them a little.
That may or may not have been a pun, but you get the picture.
Stop being so damn egotistical and thinking you need to do something major, get 367 likes on your Instagram post, win a medal, or be recognized a guest on Jimmy Fallon to feel accomplished.
Sure those would be nice (and don’t for a second, stop setting the most outrageous goals!), but don’t forget that before the Jimmy action, is the recognition and gratification of mini achievements. If you’re not grateful for that, there’s no way you’ll be motivated to work even harder.
It always has, and always will be, just you. And if no one else cares, make sure at least you do.
Here’s to the small things.
Love, S.
Can you ever just be, whelmed?
Image via Free People.
I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be, whelmed?
It’s an auspicious question I first came across in my pre-teen, cousin accompanied viewing of ‘10 things I hate about you’ many moons ago, and I have to thank those 90’s screenwriters for posing such a thought provoking interrogation.
Because for many situations, circumstances and presented opportunities, there may many, suitably descriptive words: exciting, nerve-racking, inspiring, motivating, challenging or just really damn cool.
For others though, the term speechless is the only thing I can muster.
It’s not that I’m indifferent, undecided or perplexed – I’m simply, factually, downright speechless.
I’m just, whelmed.
You know that adage, which goes something like: “it’s my party and ill dance/cry/eat cold sausage rolls if I want to”?
It’s a thing. This life and everything in it is basically your party, do with it what you will. No one cares.
And in this daily rollercoaster, that I’m probably a tad too short for continues to creep up to the highest peak, I’m not sure how I actually feel about it.
I’m whelmed, and all I can really do is throw my hands up in the air like I just don’t care. All there is to do is enjoy the thrill.
Because on the way down a mega drop, there’s no stopping, pulling out or bailing, all there is to do, is embrace the butterflies, hold the regurgitation of your most recent hot dog and try make a semi-decent face for the inevitable mid-flight camera shot.
You are asked nothing more, than to enjoy the ride.
So do it. Do it well and do it every damn day. Enjoy, race to the end of the line to do it all again and run far from the Ferris Wheel whose circulating view you know far too well.
This life is hec-tos (Elwood housemate slang for hectic), but that doesn’t have to equate to it being overwhelming.
In the face of endless meetings, mountainous weekly readings, demanding assignments, uncooked dinners, treadmill laps, unpacked weekend bags and invitations, reject the need to want to slump in your chair, order another soy latte and complain about being busy.
For me the choice was and continues to be easy.
You can bite off more than you can chew and risk choking on greatness, or nibble on mediocrity.
The choice is now yours, are you ready for the drop?
The Doorman.
Image via Sunshine in the Fog, Pinterest.
As much as it might appear that I’m this little pocket rocket whose on fire, never stopping to breathe, sleep properly, take a look outside or step my bare-feet on the grass: truth be known it’s those darn little things that keep me sane.
But, like most of this generation of beautifully spoilt, young, wild and free things: I have been forever seeking to postpone the day when my crazy youth is no longer only as close as a crawl through the Narnia cupboard away.
I think for me, it was this idea that adulthood implies a sense of being ‘done and dusted’– forever to be held in the stuffy under-the-stairs crevice of Harry Potter fame, living in the denial of a better and bright yesterday.
What I never considered though, was that inside the man-hole, could exist yet another door, one I never knew about. A door to some new, magical world I would have never found, had I maintained my defiance of never setting foot in Harry’s place.
I know you’ve heard it before, ‘when one door closes, another opens’, but do you believe it, or just nod ignorantly to the elder that claims to share their wisdom?
Have you ever even really considered its truthfulness?
Because yesterday, on a walk along a beach I never once thought was really ‘that’ nice, I found an incredible sunset, some rocks to sit on and a jelly fish to touch.
In that instant, I finally acknowledged that in every second there’s an opportunity for discovery, an ‘aha’ moment or just a simple appreciation that what you never thought you wanted, might actually be the best outcome.
It’s so easy for us to rest on laurels, stop sprinting when it hurts rather than push for an extra 15 seconds until we’re truly out of breath, and to get complacent in the comfort and happiness of what we know we can handle with ease.
It’s so easy to get comfortable and forget about the big dreams and ambitions we hold.
But haven’t you realized that once children can walk they want to run, and once they learn how to clap or talk they do it endlessly, and faster, and more often, urging anyone around them to teach them more.
When did we get so self-righteous, so doom-oriented, boring, and eager to remain the same old place? Where did that hunger for novelty, and excitement for the unknown go?
That, I don’t know, but I do know it’s creeping back.
Because the truth is kid, enough will never be enough, and you are growing, changing and evolving with every passing second.
Are you hungry yet?
Love, S.
Why I’ll never be able to run the world: A Tribute.
Image via Pinterest.
You know what, the world isn’t fair.
Waiters take your order wrong and serve you orange juice when you specifically asked for carrot, apple and ginger, and Clinique Beauty Experts will sell you over-priced oily-skin moisturizer when you clearly explained your face is combination.
People let you down, others forget about you, you forget about someone else, and the selfish person gets what you deserve. It all seems so worthy of being negative and upset over.
It’s insane how comfortable we are in our drama blanket, but how many of us have actually ever felt the cold, the real cold?
Does anyone truly grasp the reality that good things happen to bad people, and bad things happen to those totally undeserving of pain and sadness? It’s haunting to comprehend that no matter what we focus on, strive towards, want, desire and pray for; sometimes there is a pre-written story which is totally and utterly set in stone – unchangeable by any amount of tears and wishes for it not to be.
How totally thwarting, humbling, and terrifyingly insightful it is, when we finally appreciate that there are actually real things to be upset about – like losing someone you love, forever.
I’ll never be able to understand why life and this world hands out what it does, and it scares me a little to think that no matter how positively a life is led, there is no guarantee of constant sunshine and happy days. So life is a gamble. Every damn day there are a million things that could go perfectly right or gravely wrong. A smile you could see, or a fight you could encounter. A turn for the better, or a turn for the absolute worse.
And for once, I don’t have an answer for any of it. I’m speechless.
Because as much as I want to believe I can run the world, I’m humbly reminded that reality is untouchable – and it doesn’t care how broken it leaves your heart. For that, I am sorry. I am sorry because the only thing I can come up with, is that in those moments of utterly mind-numbing pain, the only thing left to do is to somehow piece together that shattered glass inside your chest, and love.
Love that before the tears there were so many smiles your cheeks burned from. That before the incessant wails and screams for things to be different, there was laughter that hurt just as hard. That one day, maybe not in a week, month or year, but one day – everything will stop aching, even if just a teeny bit less.
Each day, hour and minute, someone’s world is turning upside down for better or worse, and if you’re reading this, you have to appreciate that for right now, while I’ve got you for just a second you’re mine and safe.
So when you finish reading this, I’d like to ask you to stop. Stop, look up, close your eyes and smile.
Smile because in this moment, everything is perfect, you are healthy, you have people you love around you, and although you have no real clue as to what today or tomorrow will hold, for now you all you have to do is breathe. But I ask you to smile for those who don’t have it in them to the same in this second, and share the beat of your heart with others who will never be able to return it. Smile because although pain and loss is paralyzing, you have the ability to love harder than ever.
For a second, I dare you to take off your blanket and step into the snow – it’s cold out there, but summer will always come.
To two great men: thank-you for being you, the legendary fathers my best friends love and adore.
To my girls who lost them, thank-you for being an example of strength I look up to everyday.
To everyone else this Christmas, hug your annoying cousin a little tighter than usual, and laugh at every single one of your uncle’s bad jokes. Love, appreciate and treasure this special time with the people who love you.
Merry Christmas.
Love, S.